(The Lancer is lying in his bed, staring at the ceiling. It is one of the very few occasions that he isn’t wearing his mask. He has his hands on his stomach, and is waiting for his students to arrive. He then starts talking to himself. Or is he.....?)
The Lancer: I like deer. I really do. They’re majestic creatures. I wish that I had a helmet that looked like a deer skull. (turns to his bestial mistress) Do you like deer?
(She can’t talk, so she nods her head, and makes cute dog noises)
The Lancer: I wish that you could talk. (No response)
(She tries to go to sleep, but the Lancer grabs the back of her head, and pulls her in for a kiss. Suddenly, someone knocks on the door, starling the Lancer and his mistress.)
Daniel: It’s almost time for class! Come on!
(The Lancer stands up, picks up his mask, and puts it on.)
The Lancer: Sorry, dear. We’ll have to wait until my class is over. I love you. (She makes a playful growling sound. The Lancer leaves the room, and greets his students.) Alright, everyone. Are you ready for another lesson? If not, then too bad, but you’re getting another lesson anyway. Today’s lesson is about hunters. I’ve killed many hunters in my time. Some put up a great fight, while others were pathetic. Due to some weird sort of space magic, they can resurrect after you kill them. I’m going to teach you how to fight them. Are you rea-ea-ea, are you ready? (coughs) I don’t know what just happened there, but I love it. Let today’s lesson begin.
Retired Hunter Djura[]
The Lancer: Djura was an old friend of mine. He was my mentor, and taught me everything I know. But one day, he betrayed me. He stabbed me in the back, thinking I was dead, and left me to be eaten by the beasts. But, as you well know, I survived, and got my revenge. I found him atop a large tower with a chain gun, and he tried to shoot me with it. I evaded it, and climbed to the top of the tower. We exchanged a few words, and then we fought. Actually, I wouldn’t really call it a “fight”, since I took out my pistol and shot him five times in the chest, and he fell off the tower. Talk about anticlimactic. If you ever find yourself in that scenario, do what I did. He was probably the easiest hunter that I’ve ever had to fight. He was also the first one that I killed. Unfortunately, his death had consequences. Any questions?
Daniel: Why did he betray you?
The Lancer: He didn't live long enough to tell me. Moving on.
Patrick: But I had a question.
The Lancer: Don't interrupt me again. You don't want to know the consequences of that. Moving on.
Alfred, Hunter of Vilebloods[]
The Lancer: One of my greatest rivals was an executioner named Alfred. We hated each other before I was deemed a traitor for killing another hunter, but after that, we were enemies. We actively hunted each other. When it was time for us to fight, he stood no chance against me. His weapon was slow, so parrying him was almost too easy. I stabbed him in the heart, and he died. The trick to defeating most hunters is to parry them, so do that if you have to fight hunters. Any questions? (No response) Moving on.
Hunters of Despair[]
The Lancer: If you happen to find yourself in a frontier that’s also a nightmare, then be ready to be greeted by two hunters. One of them wears Yharnam Hunter attire, and the other wears Black Church attire. The Yharnam hunter uses a Hunter Axe and Hunter Pistol. The Black Church Hunter uses a poison infuses Threaded Cane and Hunter Blunderbuss. They work together, but are not very hard to kill. They guard a bridge, so trying to make them fall off the bridge will help you get rid of them quicker. If you can.... (Patrick yawns very loudly) Okay, that is it. (The Lancer pulls out a pistol and shoots Patrick in the head. Everyone else jumps out of their chairs in panic.) You won’t be interrupting my class anymore.
Daniel: You killed Patrick, you bastard!
The Lancer: Do you want me to kill you too?
Daniel: No.
The Lancer: Then let's get back to class. Where was I? I don't remember. Let's move on before I have to kill anyone else.
Younger Madaras Twin[]
The Lancer: The Younger Madaras Twin is not very hard to kill. He only has one trick up his sleeve, and even then, that's also pretty easy to deal with. He uses a Hunter Axe and Blunderbuss. He can be easily parried, and is also located near an elevator shaft that he is very quick to jump into, killing himself in the process. Unless you get greedy, then he shouldn’t be that difficult to deal with. However, if he uses his Madaras Whistle, he can deal a good amount of damage. The ability isn’t the most difficult to dodge, but it can hurt you if you aren’t careful. If you are careful, then you have nothing to worry about. Any questions? (No response) Moving on.
Old Hunter Henryk[]
The Lancer: Henryk was always one of the most arrogant hunters I’ve known. He’s an old man, but he sure can fight. His only weakness is that he sometimes stops fighting and roars at his opponents leaving himself completely vulnerable. When he’s not being a fucking idiot, he’s a pretty formidable opponent. He uses a Saw Cleaver and Hunter Pistol, and occasionally throws knives. When I fought him, he was in a large tomb with many gravestones, which provided a fair amount of cover, so I’d recommend doing the same. Also, another hunter who I’ll talk about later appeared to help me out, so I stood back and shot Henryk with my pistol until he died. If you be careful, you won’t have that much trouble dealing with Henryk.
Healing Church Hunters[]
The Lancer: Healing Church Hunter’s are nothing special. Most of them use poison infused Threaded Canes, which are very terrible weapons. The only ones you should worry about are the ones that use Hunter Tools. Other than those few times, Healing Church Hunters are pathetically easy to kill. I even cut the head off of one of them and put it on my wall. But it was stolen a long time ago.
Izzy's Admirer[]
The Lancer: Izzy’s Admirer is a bitch. He thinks that he’s a beast, but he’s not. He does use the Beast Claw, and he uses it well. He is instantly hostile to you, and as he attacks, his attacks grow more powerful, so be very careful. Parrying him is not easy, so kill him the old fashioned way. Keep slashing away at him, and he’ll fall eventually.
Yahar'gul Hunter in the Hunter's Nightmare[]
The Lancer: Yahar’gul has a lot of hunters. They can all be identified by their dark brown attire. Most of them come in groups, but not the one I’m going to tell you about right now. This one is found alone in a dark cell. He uses a Church Pick and Repeating Pistol. He fights aggressively, but is not that hard to parry. However, you fight him in a small corridor, so you don’t have that much room to maneuver. You can easily die if you aren’t careful. Be careful, parry often, and don’t get stuck on doors, and you’ll conquer this bastard.
Djura's Ally[]
The Lancer: After killing Djura, his friends were out to kill me. The first one I encountered was using a Saw Spear and Hunter Pistol. The area where I found him had a campfire, which he had a very bad habit of walking into, so use that to your advantage. Parrying is also recommended. He’s aggressive, but he often runs backwards. Oh, and he can also heal. Make sure to use the fire to your advantage, and you’ll defeat him.
Djura's Disciple[]
The Lancer: Djura’s other comrade was found in a dark cave filled with beasts. Like the other one, he used a Saw Spear. However, this guy was carrying a fucking gatling gun. If you’re not careful around this guy, he can kill you in seconds. Use cover very often, and you might live a little bit longer. In the very few times when he uses his Spear, parry him. He moves slowly when firing his gatling gun, and has to reload it occasionally, so take advantage of that time to attack him. If you’re VERY careful, and don’t get cut into ribbons by that gatling gun, then you might be able to overcome this guy. This is also one of the few times that you won’t be blamed for running away.
Forgotten Madman and Madman's Escort[]
The Lancer: These two are found within the Chalice Dungeons. The Madman uses Ludwig’s Holy Blade and Ludwig’s Rifle. His escort uses a Kirkhammer and Flamesprayer. Only the first one will be there at first. He’s nothing special. He is just your standard hunter. However, when you deal enough damage to him, something terrible happens. Does anyone have a guess?
Grace: Does he turn into a beast?
The Lancer: No. That’s wrong. Like completely wrong. So wrong that it couldn’t have gotten more wrong than that. Like, how the fuck were you so off?
Grace: It was just a guess.
The Lancer: Well, try harder next time. I don’t have room in my academy for morons.
Grace: I’m not a moron.
The Lancer: If you say so.
Daniel: Are we going to continue class, or are you two going to argue all day?
The Lancer: Let’s move on. What was I saying? (Thinks for a second) That’s right. After dealing enough damage to the Madman, his escort will join him, and you’ll have to fight two motherfuckers at the same time. The good news is that the Madman should be almost dead by that point, so quickly finish him off. After that, the Escort should be nothing to worry about. Don’t get greedy, and you’ll defeat the two Madmen.
Edgar, Choir Intelligencer[]
The Lancer: If you ever happen to find yourself in the Nightmare of Mensis, you’re guaranteed to come across an ugly bastard wearing glasses, using an arcane flamethrower and Ludwig’s Holy Blade. He’s not the most difficult to fight, but he’s extremely annoying. Fortunately, there’s is a cheap way of handling him. First, run past him until you reach the elevator. Take the elevator down, come back there after a while, go up the elevator, sneak up behind him, and ram your fist up his ass until he fucking dies. If you have to go head to toe with him, be careful, because he can use the augur, which can deal a lot of damage. If you are careful, you should be golden.
Fredrick: "Golden"?
The Lancer: That’s what I said.
Fredrick: Why?
The Lancer: Is something wrong with the word "golden"?
Daniel: Are you okay, man?
Fredrick: Never mind.
The Lancer: Moving on then.
Eileen the Crow[]
The Lancer: Eileen the Crow was a good friend of mine. She was like the mother I never had, and she told me that I was like her son, and even called me “son” on several occasions. I’ve never found her, but you might. She is easily one of the most skilled hunters out there, and that’s saying something. She uses the Blades of Mercy, which are very fast, and can tear you up if you’re not careful. She also throws throwing knives occasionally, so be careful for that. She’s pretty aggressive, but that can be parried like all hunters. Parry often, dodge her throwing knives, and you might defeat Eileen. Might. She’s powerful, so you might beat her, and might not beat her.
Grace: How do you not know if she can be beaten? You know everything.
The Lancer: Can you do anything besides interrupt my class?
Grace: I can do a lot more than interrupt class.
The Lancer: Like what?
Grace: I can show you. After class, of course.
The Lancer: Okay. I accept.
Daniel: Can you two please stop flirting?
The Lancer: Let’s move on.
Yurie, the Last Scholar[]
The Lancer: Yurie is a bitch. She acts like the entire world is below her, and doesn’t care what you think. So naturally, you’d love to murder her. Well, she’s not the most skilled in combat, but does have a few tricks up her sleeve. She uses a poison infused Threaded Cane and Rosmaryinus....
Daniel: You said that wrong.
The Lancer: Do you like your tongue, Daniel?
Daniel: Yeah, why?
The Lancer: Because I really want to cut it out of your fucking head.
Daniel: Please don’t.
The Lancer: THEN STOP INTERRUPTING MY FUCKING CLASS!
Daniel: Okay. Sorry.
The Lancer: Anyway, Yurie doesn’t use the best weapons, but she has two tricks that make her dangerous. First of all, she has the Augur, which can knock you on your ass if you get hit with it. The other trick is that she has A Call Beyond, which can kill you instantly if you don’t dodge at the correct time. If you stay close to her, she won’t use it, and she highly telegraphs her augur attacks, so stay close, and she won’t be that difficult to kill. Any questions? (No response) Moving on.
Iosefka[]
The Lancer: Iosefka has a very weird name. She’s not bad looking, though. However, don’t let that pretty face fool you, since she has a heart of darkness. And she also has a murderous rage. She uses a poison infuses Threaded Cane and Repeating Pistol, and has access to the Augur and A Call Beyond, like Yurie. Fortunately, the area where she is found makes it easy to avoid her A Call Beyond. Her Repeating Pistol can deal a lot of damage, but, as with all hunters, she can be parried quite easily. So, she’s not the most difficult hunter to deal with. There is also a much easier alternative to fighting. Once the Blood Moon has risen, she won’t even fight you. She’ll just be chilling on an operating table, being weird, and is totally unable to fight back. You can go for the easy kill, or you can have some fun with her first. However, due to having luck on my side, my extremely good looks, my charming personality, and the fact that she liked me, I had already had fun with her before, so I just killed her.
Daniel: TOO MUCH INFORMATION!
The Lancer: I knew you were going to say that.
Daniel: Oh God, please don’t shoot me.
The Lancer: I’m not gonna shoot you. You’re my favorite student.
Fredrick: What about me?
The Lancer: You never say anything.
Grace: I’ll be your favorite one day.
The Lancer: Maybe. We’ll see. (Laughs) Let’s move on.
Brador, Church Assassin[]
The Lancer: Brador is an awesome dude. He looks like a badass, and uses a pretty badass weapon. However, he’s kind of an asshole. He doesn’t want you to discover something that he claims is important, but probably isn’t, so he sends phantom versions of himself after you. He has a Ludwig’s Rifle, but he never uses it. Instead, he uses a two handed blood mace thing that does a fuck-ton of damage. Also, he can use Lead Elixir, which makes him much more resistant to damage, at the cost of movement speed. Parrying him is essential, since he can kill you very quickly if you aren’t careful, and he can take a lot of damage before dying. He can attack you up to four different times, but if you go to his cell and kill him there, you’ll only have to fight the phantom guarding his cell. Moving on. (coughs) My voice is starting to hurt from all this talking that I’ve been doing.
Valtr, Master of the League[]
The Lancer: Valtr was an old friend of mine. He’s a great guy that unfortunately betrayed our order, and I had to put him down. He uses the Whirligig Saw and Hunter Blunderbuss, and is probably one of the easiest hunters that I’ve ever fought. He has no tricks up his sleeve, which makes him very easy to defeat. I was disappointed in him when I defeated him. Let’s move on. (coughs) I think I’m gonna be sick. (Waits for a few seconds, then leaves the room)
Daniel: I don't think our teacher is used to talking this much.
Grace: This class is lasting longer than usual. I don’t blame him.
(The Lancer reenters the room, and coughs a few more times. When he talks, his voice sounds different, kind of like a sad robot.)
The Lancer: Sorry about that. Let’s move on. Not that much left to talk about now.
Simon the Harrowed[]
The Lancer: Simon was another good friend of mine. I didn’t know him for very long, but I could say that I knew him well. He dislikes firearms, so he uses a special blade that transforms into a bow. I’ve never fought him, and have never seen him fight, so I can’t give you any facts, but I can say that he is a great shot with his bow, since I’ve never seen him lose a shooting challenge against anyone with a gun. I really wish that I could say more, but I can’t. Moving on. (coughs again, more violently than before) Excuse me for one second. (Leaves again, and comes back after two minutes) Ah, that’s better. My throat was a little dry. Why does my voice sound funny? Moving on.
Bloody Crow of Cainhurst[]
The Lancer: The Bloody Crow of Cainhurst is a very mysterious person. I’ve heard many different stories about his origin, and none of them have been deemed as true. What has been deemed true is that he is, without question, the deadliest hunter that has ever hunted. He uses a Chikage and Repeating Pistol, both of which can deal extremely high damage. He can also use the Old Hunter Bone to quicken, and uses it to either dodge your attacks, or to suddenly appear right next to you. So, yeah, he’s a nightmare to deal with. Oh, I almost forgot. He can heal himself not once, but twice. His only two weaknesses are being able to be parried, and his fear of doors. If you get him down to the bottom of the stairs of the Grand Cathedral, he’ll start walking backwards. Then, you need to use poison knives on him. He’ll slowly die on the inside, and you can claim victory. Don’t be greedy, or you’ll die a careless death. Moving on. I want this class to be over already.
Pair of Yahar'gul Hunters[]
The Lancer: Near the Grand Cathedral, you might come across two Yahar’gul Hunters. One of them uses a Tonitrus and Wooden Shield, and the other uses a Rifle Spear and Ludwig’s Rifle. It is possible to fight one of them without the other one noticing, which means that they’re most likely extremely short sighted. Fighting them one on one is not too hard, and even if you have to fight both at the same time, they never think to gang up on you, which makes the fight nothing you can’t handle. As long as you aren’t greedy and parry often, victory will be yours. (Yells) I’m dying on the inside right now.
Grace: Stop being a drama queen.
The Lancer: Fuck you.
Grace: (Laughs) You’re funny.
The Lancer: Two more things to talk about. Let’s get this over with.
Yahar'gul Gank Squad[]
The Lancer: Easily the hardest Hunters to deal with are a few Yahar’gul Hunters in the Yahar’gul Chapel. There are three of them. And you have to fight them all at the same time. One of them uses a Rifle Spear and Cannon. Another uses a Threaded Cane and Rosmarinus, and also uses the Tiny Tonitrus. The last one wears only a helmet and his underwear, and only uses the Beast Claw. The most important things to avoid are the cannon and Tiny Tonitrus, since both deal a lot of damage. I’d recommend taking care of the Beast Claw wielding one, since he’s the easiest to kill. Then the cannon wielder. Then the other one. That’s easier said than done, however, since they work perfectly as a team, and shouldn’t be underestimated. My advice to you: be a badass. You could run past them and find a way to avoid them in the future, which I’d recommend if you don’t think that you’re ready to handle three fucking hunters at the same time. Only one more hunter left to go.
Old Hunters[]
The Lancer: Well, it’s actually three hunters, but they’re all pretty average fighters, so this should be quick. There are four types of them, and there are at least three of each type. One of them uses a Beast Cutter and Hunter Blunderbuss, and likes to keep his distance while using the Beast Cutter’s chain to do all sorts of wankery. Another type uses only a Beasthunter Saif, and is much more difficult to parry than any of the others due to him sometimes delaying his attacks. Another one also uses a Beasthunter Saif, but is also equipped with a Piercing Rifle. He is easily the easiest to deal with, since he mostly relied on ranged attacks. The last and most aggressive one wears an abnormally large hat, and uses a Boom Hammer and a Torch. All of them can be parried, so make sure to do that. And that’s it for today. Go home.